The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, love, and closeness .

But when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your advice partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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