The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great as well).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .

But when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention view that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage try these out in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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